It’s about 5.40am and here I am blogging like some rabid writer on caffeine high. Perhaps it was the macchiato from yesterday night.
Either way, I’m pretty sure it’s because my body that has been tuned to wake up at this god forsaken hour. For the past 16 days, this slab of muscle, bones and fats have been forced to start revving at about 5.15am and do physicals right about this time. Every dawn, a part of the soul withers and dies when the chorus of alarm blares echoes from various beds in the bunk.
[Note: I try to leave out specific words to avoid detection via keyword searches by a particular organization. But i'm sure they have other ways to track if they intend to. So here's also a hi to them in advance)
So this dawn had been a real breather for the body and soul. Strangely, as I look around my room now, which is dimly lit by the dispersed streetlights cascading in from the window, it looks foreign but feels calming.
Actually, everything not from that offshore island feels different. Typing on the iPhone I had used for months seems strange and the daily rituals I had been carrying out for years feel a tad bit alien. The body remembers the sequential process but the mind is slightly muddled. It’s like I’m not as grounded to home anymore.
Which is probably why I had a flurry of emotions when I woke up this morning and remembered that my time home is now only temporary. Initially, the past 16 days just felt like an extended dream which did not happen. But the dull ache all over my body gently advises otherwise and my heart just sank at that thought.
Maybe after that many days of conditioning, my mind has registered that island place as the new home and my home here in bedok, a hotel. In a way that’s good since it demonstrates the body’s adaptability, but it is also kinda sad. I don’t want all the regimental stuff to be the focus of my life; I rather it just be a fraction of it.
Like, I wanna have a core life and every passing chapter remains as such and doesn’t define what I am and what I do at any point of time. I don’t think I’m making much sense, but it’s kinda like how I don’t want my career to be the main focus of my life in the future, with other factors (family, fun and social activities etc) accommodating to it.
Right now I guess it’s hard, since I have to do what i got to do for about 85%-90% of my time for 2 years. Adaptability will probably ensure that it’s a tunnel vision and blurs everything else into the wayside. But if it helps me survive and overcome, I’m not complaining (much)
Woah, too much whining and too little information.
Basically, we are awake from about 5.15am-10.45pm with random activities interspersed. Based on limited experience, there are usually 3 or 4 key physical activities daily with inserts of 20mins of meal time or negligible rest time. So basically, most of us hate mornings and look forward to the time after dinner, when the activities planned are usually lighter. The thing is, you will stop caring about such things after a while and just go with the motion. Things pass slightly easier when you don’t think about it and just follow the motion. I guess this is what most of my friends have been trying to tell me.
Look! Time passes so fast here it’s almost impossible. I’ve been writing for so long and it’s wasting precious down time. Actually, everything feels like a waste of time now.
I need some divine intervention.
