Friday has never been the same since Rebecca Black appeared on the scene. I have planned to start on this flaming post (this has to be my first post fully dedicated to flaming) since, 1 hour ago, but doing a frame-by-frame dissection of this abomination has (unnecessarily) taken up much time. Plus, I get caught up with some covers of this song, which by the way, beats the original like how Friday > Monday. I’m referring to the actual days of the week.
In the slim chance you haven’t got the slightest idea what I’m talking about, here is the one-hit wonder that has gotten internet in a major buzz. And it’s not even the weekends.
This shit is getting more than 15million views for the wrong reasons.
The absurdities of this video:
1: Fucking major turn off from the very first second. Literally.
Hell, we’ve heard all too often how a wicked beginning is halfway to success. This abomination of a video is an epitome of how the opposite of this formula can also hold true.
From the very first second, our auditory senses are bombarded with a terrible static-ish electronic mess, accompanied by a series of “Yeah’s, which sounds very much as if she’s beckoning her grandfather. Gosh, I better turn it down. Don’t want it heard near the dining room, where my gramp’s ancestral tablet is.
“Listen to Wednesday’s Song” ? ” I’m a Thursday Child” ? Does this even make sense?
Obviously, the producers are trying to plagiarize Bruno Mar’s “Just The Way You Are” abstract-singer’s-profile-using-cassette-tapes idea with their terrible motion sketch, which must have been a feature of the cheapest video editting software in the world. And the font!? Gosh, it looked a lot like the ones from WordArt in Microsoft Word 1950s.
2: Apparently, there is a limit to autotune’s prowess.
There was a period long ago when netizens flamed Ashlee Simpsons for her blatant use of auto-tune. She really sucked unplugged but guys, AT LEAST SHE SOUNDED DECENT with autotune. This chick needs an … auto-everything.
[Remember meeeeee?]
3. She, and about everyone else in this video, looked either bored, or awkward
[Yay! Friday!]
[Left chick] ” I should be raving instead of doing this shit.”
[Right chick] “Oops, I’m gonna faalll~”
Is it me, or have times changed?
Is deadpan really the new in?
I mean, hey, look at James Franco during the Oscars. Look at this video. Look at James Franco again. Now look back at this video. Difference: One’s the Oscars and another is a terribly produced Music Video. Similarity: Everything else lackluster.
They must have taken this music video on a Monday because while Rebecca tries (pathetically) to convince us how fun Friday is, the rest of the crew looked like they’d rather watch AFV at home. Speaking of fun, notice how excited she sounds when she sings ‘Fun, fun, fun, fun’ during the pre-choruses. I’m so psyched I wanna go right back to work and data-enter another 700 documents.
4. The producers are gonna get sued for
(i) letting underaged kids drive
[Yes. I chose this frame on purpose. The kid in blue tee looks hilarious]
This is obvious. They are in middle school. Middle schooler can’t drive; are not supposed to drive.
They are also not allowed to own a convertible.
(ii) MUTILATION
[Hey! It's 'THING' from the Adam's Family!!]
Omg! The car is driven only by HANDS! ’nuff said.
5. Why the fuck are you deciding where to sit?
[Shotgun's taken bitch!]
The now-infamous conundrum Rebecca faces is whether to sit at the front or back. I don’t understand why this is an issue. There are obviously no seats in the front, since shotgun has already been called.
[Synchronized move. YAYYY. Girl Power!]
Now obviously she has lots of rich friends who own convertibles. Tonight she has inexplicably decided to ditch her morning friends because she couldn’t sit at the front. Sadly, her night friends suck too and she’s still at the back.
Rebecca, shut up and stop the ‘Which seat should I take’ stint. Your choice is clear: to stand. At the back. The passive agressiveness isn’t gonna work. You ain’t calling shotgun tonight either.
Parents and traffic authorities should really start an investigation. According to the lyrics, they are “ drivin’ on the highway, cruisin’ so fast”. Dude. When a middle school chick in braces is driving down the highway at night, it’s hardly a great idea to stand up, especially when you’re at the back, regardless of what day of the week it is.
This goes back up in point 4.
6. Because we all need lessons in the days of the week.
I’m old enough to surf the net so I think I probably know the days of the week. Even if I don’t, I have them:
[Monday! I'm schooling fine. Tuesday, You're on my mind....]
7. Strange pedophilic rapper
I’m scared.
So anyway, since I’m already torturing myself listening to this song, I might as well check out the covers. Surprisingly (or not), 80% of the covers on Youtube are a hell lot better than the original. There’s even a cover by a Singaporean. I’m pretty sure she was a child actress
Right?
And there’s this super awesome cover by a group of hilarious guys.
The next one is one of the best covers, IMO. Her voice gives this crappy song a tinge of country.
Oh. And if you hate Justin Bieber AND this song, here’s hell for you:
Gosh, all this hatin has got me hungry.
