Depending on the nature of your job, you could be hitting the door at 7am every day for five, seven or nine days a week. If you are like most people, chances are that you clock in 40 mindless hours of solitaire every week. Sure, some people actually DO the job they are paid for but that is, if they are Facebook or Youtube beta testers.
We’ve all heard how evil the corporate world is, which is why vigilantes like Batman or the Fantastic Four exist in a incessant battle against the mad scientists we all know huge empires are harboring in their underground labyrinth.
I’d liken working, to a seemingly innocuous devil’s deal; with a devil in collared-up shirts and stripy blue ties.In exchange for intrinsically worthless wads of paper with arbitrary numbers, or if you are Oliver Twist, some gruel (Oh sir, may I have some more gruel!), we sell our youth and souls performing abhorrently awful duties we wouldn’t have otherwise thrown ourselves into had the alternative option not be selling our kidneys.
Sure, not everyone works because they have to support themselves. Some practical, or in other cases, masochistic folks (you know who you are) trudge off in the ere dawn for job experience. Ultimately you’ll learn the same few things no matter where you sold your soul:
#3 It’s The Same People Everywhere At Different Workplace
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Quick, imagine an office of an IT company.
Now, visual the workspace of an advertising firm.
Difference? Huge.
But really, once you get past the initial façade of dynamism (or dullness) it will all look the same, like puppies in a basket.
All the same! Just less cute.
In a general stereotype, which obviously exists and persists for a reason, your colleagues (and YOU!) can be classified into broad, douchy classes. The elements from each of these categories are ubiquitous. The bootlickers are everywhere, presumingly licking boots. Or Pedro shoes. You’ll find the same gossip ladies (another stereotype there), who are always loaded and ready to go with their metaphorical bottle of red wine from the gossip grapevine. And thank god they’re always generous enough to fill up your curious cup. Similarly, you’d be fucked if it was your grapes she had used.
I know what you did last summer
“But hey”, you indignantly call out, “I don’t see any one who falls into the ‘Know It All’ class in my office.”
Really?
#2 Get Your Foot In The Door/ Fake It Till You Make It
In almost all career or self-improvement books, there is bound to be this one tip; the one treacherous tip of lies and deception. But again, we have previously established that shit happens in the corporate world, which by itself is full of fraudery and general crappiness.
Fake it Till You Make It.
This tip basically establishes itself using its own theory of affirming oneself as the model one aims to achieve simply through emulation and mimicky until one actually becomes (or becomes similar to) the model.
That, or becomes delusional enough, take your pick
The idea works like this;
Say, you want to be a baby sitter but yet the only experience you have with a baby is with yourself. What do you do? Convince yourself, or at least, pretend to be an excellent baby sitter during your interviews. Giving them the impression that you’re real good during the interview gets your feet in the door.
Things will work out, right?
Guys?
So you’ve gotten your foot in. When the parents go out for their old people rendezvous, you take your chances with baby problems by trial and error, or by googling for solutions then and there (after the initial bouts of panic screams and wrist flapping).
DEVIL'S INCARNATE.
After a long an arduous night, you’ve become that little bit more proficient at baby-sitting. This goes on for several sessions until you’ve become a really good baby-sitter, or when you’re rocking your catatonic self in a cold corner of the shower, wallowing in guilt for a certain baby’s death.
#1 Looks Matter
This is a no brainer.
Whoever says it doesn’t is obviously lying to you. Or themselves.
Look, it’s not that anyone is being superficial on purpose or anything. Hell, we are genetically wired to gravitate towards people who , under the acute judgment of our subconscious mind, we find generally more attractive.
Repeat: Initial brain scan suggests the absence of females. Visual Optics please advise
The primeval recesses in our mind still maintain that attractive people are generally healthier and thus foster better mate selection (read: fuckable). In cavemen era, this meant that male hunters, with their warped sense of flirting and seduction, probably saved their best bacons for the prettiest women gatherers in hope that they would carry their little cavebabies. Then again, no one is exactly sure if ancient women would put out that easily over a piece of bacon.
Translate that above scenario into a workplace or in school. A male recruiter gives priority to a dazzling interviewee. The popular girls in school generally fall to the right of the median line on a graph depicting attractiveness. It is perfectly understandable for people to gravitate towards beautiful people (without passing the line of perverse stalking).
We are genetically entitled to do so!
However, it must be asserted that in most cases, stunning looks are most impactful only during the first few impressions. Subsequently, as our logical mind overrides our primitive instincts, personality weighs in almost as much (probably because reality has set in that the chance of fucking is 0). Unless you are a Victoria’s Secrets model or someone rated 9 and above, chances are that you’ll still be fired after you have been caught peeing in your boss’s coffee.
2 parts coffee, 1 part sunshine and 1 part urea
So there, even though looking all hot and sexy makes things a hell lot easier, personality is the key to keep the deal going.
Pose!
